


Locked Away

by CryptidOwl007



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2ndyear! 3rd years, Gen, M/M, Major Character Injury, Seijou boys, b/c Iwaizumi is a dense indiot, everyone cries, listen, who blames himself waayyy to often
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 11:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6373459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryptidOwl007/pseuds/CryptidOwl007
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone you're supposed to take care of gets injured, isn't it your fault? Or so Iwaizumi concludes after Oikawa gets injured, even under his watchful eye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Locked Away

It was not possible for Oikawa to hide anything from Iwaizumi. He knew him as well as he knew how to spike- he knew all his secrets, all his fears, and all his hopes.

So how had he missed something this big.

He should have  _ noticed.  _ Noticed what was going on, noticed how Oikawa was acting; he should have been there to stop this from happening.  But he didn’t, and now he’s sitting next to his best friend’s hospital bed while Oikawa cries into his hands. The doctor had already left, but his words still drifted in the air between them.

“If you ever want to play again, you’re going to need surgery.”

_ This is all my fault,  _ is the only thought racing through Iwaizumi’s brain. Oikawa’s body is turned away from him, making the sobs wracking his body painfully apparent. Reaching out for him, Iwaizumi tries to hold back his own tears. He won’t fail him again, he will help Oikawa through this no mat-

“Don’t,” came the whispered choke. Iwaizumi froze, his hand centimeters from touching Oikawa’s shoulder. Two more sobs forced their way out before he could speak again.

“Give me...time…” Oikawa barely managed to force the words out as he tried to control the tremors in his body. Iwaizumi swallowed hard before trusting himself to speak.

“Of course.” He couldn’t tell if his voice shook or not. It didn’t matter though, all he cared about was getting out of the suddenly blindingly white room as soon as possible. Practically running out of the room, he slid the door closed harder than would have ever been necessary. 

_ This is all my fault,  _ repeated with every heavy step he took down the long hospital corridor.  

* * *

Iwaizumi was thankful the next day was Sunday. He didn’t move from his bed, and pretended to be asleep the few times his mother came to check on him.

His phone buzzed incessantly, but after reading the first few messages, he ignored them. Everyone just wanted to know how Oikawa was, and they all thought he would know what was happening.

He had thought that that too.

Curled up in the warmth of his blankets, it was easy for Iwaizumi to pretend that if he got up and went to the gym, Oikawa would be there, practicing his serves. The familiar image of Oikawa’s jump, hit, and landing played over and over; even tiny details like the sweat dripping down his neck and disappearing into his shirt and his bright eyes as he analyzed what he’d gone wrong and what he’d done right were crystal clear.

“ _ Give me...time…” _

Iwaizumi buried himself even deeper into the blankets.

* * *

The start of practice was eerily quiet, the only sounds coming from equipment and hushed whispers.

During warm ups, Hanamaki and Matsukawa kept exchanging worried glances as Iwaizumi silent moved through each stretch. But they didn’t say anything, silently following along instead.

Coach Irihata walked in, raising an eyebrow at how silent the gym was. One of the third years glanced to Iwaizumi before calling everyone to gather around their coach. 

“As I'm sure many of you know by now, Oikawa’s knee has been injured, and he can no longer play.” Everyone remained looking at the floor or at their coach, not daring to let their gaze stray to Iwaizumi. He stared straight through them all, seemingly oblivious to the coach's words.

“He’ll be out for a while, but rest assured he will return good as new,” a collective sigh of relief swept through the group as their coach continued, “So we can’t slack off, and have him return to a weak team. Let’s get started!”     

The rest of Iwaizumi’s practice consisted of poor receives, weak spikes, and crappy serves Oikawa would have been ashamed to see. 

Every missed serve was a reminder to him of how accurate Oikawa’s were, and that, had Iwaizumi prevented his injury, he could have been here, further perfecting it. 

Every ball that bounced just out of his reach echoed his failure to connect with Oikawa. It echoed the fact the he couldn't get to Oikawa when he'd needed it most. 

Everytime the ball brushed past his fingers when he failed to connect a spike, the memory of his fingertips being that close to Oikawa rushed over him. The sound of his landing repeated Oikawa’s words back at him, and the ball hitting the floor resounded just as much as Oikawa’s sobs had.  

By the end of practice, everyone was giving Iwaizumi a wide berth. Even though he was as stoic as usual, there was an underlying tension to it that put the whole team on edge. 

While putting away the nets, Hanamaki and Matsukawa cornered him. Blocking his path when he tried to move past them wordlessly, Matsukawa leaned in so they had to look each other in the eyes.

“Talk to us Iwaizumi, what’s gotten into you?” he pushed, searching Iwaizumi’s face for any hint of the truth. Turning his face away, Iwaizumi gave him a noncommittal grunt and shrug before trying to push past again. Matsukawa blocked his path, and tried to get Iwaizumi to look back at him.

“I know this whole thing with Oikawa sucks, but there’s nothing we could have done,” Matsukawa told him, reaching for his arm so he could make Iwaizumi face them. Iwaizumi stiffened and stepped out of his reach. He could feel himself beginning to shake, and balled up his shorts into his fist to make it stop. 

It wasn’t just an accident. He was supposed to have prevented it because he takes care if Oikawa, that was what he  _ did. _

“Listen, Iwaizumi, you know it was just an accident, right?” Hanamaki asked him, genuine concern filling his gaze, “This isn’t your fault.” 

It didn’t look like Hanamaki words reached him. Iwaizumi only bowed his head and hunched his shoulders, forcefully shoving himself past Matsukawa and Hanamaki. 

The two boys watched as he stalked away, desperate to help, but not sure how.

The rest of the day doesn’t go any better.

Iwaizumi is shocked by how much time Oikawa actually spends with him, despite being in a different classroom. The silence that presses on his ears in his friend's absence is unbearable, and he listens to music anytime Oikawa would normally be there, teasing him. 

During breaks, he stays in his seat, unless someone tries to talk to him. Then he just excuses himself and wanders the halls until it’s time for class to start again. During lunch he finds an empty classroom, and turns his music up till his eardrums hurt. 

Even then, the silence presses down on him. 

Opening his lunch box, Iwaizumi froze. Sitting on the very top was a milk bread his mother must have slipped in, like she always does, for Oikawa. The sight blurred ever so slightly before Iwaizumi blinked away the tears. Replacing the lid, he laid his head down on the desk and closed his eyes.

_ I’m so sorry Oikawa. _

Practice after school went even worse, if that was possible. While playing 3 vs 3, Iwaizumi couldn’t make one spike connect. Yahaba kept trying to sync up with him, but it was impossible for him to tell where Iwaizumi was going. 

Coach Irihata pulled him aside while they were cleaning up. He studied Iwaizumi, crossing his arms over his chest, before starting his lecture.

“Iwaizumi, I know it’s hard for you with Oikawa gone. I understand that you two are very close. But you need to be able to work with your whole team. I know you understand this; you’re always telling Oikawa that the team with the better six players is stronger,” he told him sternly. 

Iwaizumi knew he was right. He needed to play better, for his team. But he just couldn’t, knowing that Oikawa should have been there, playing with him. He should have made sure Oikawa could play, he should have done more, he should have been there,  _ he should have prevented it.  _

“Listen, Oikawa will be able to play with you again,” Irihata said softer, “so you have to be ready for when he comes back.” A voice in the back of his mind hissed  _ if he comes back _ . Iwaizumi gritted his teeth and shoved it away.

“Yes Coach,” he replied.

* * *

Standing alone in his room, Iwaizumi realizes has no one to turn to. The person he would have confided in is no longer there. Hanamaki and Matsukawa have tried to talk to him, but they've only tried to convince him that  _ this isn’t his fault,  _ but that’s all in vain.

It is his fault.

He knows it’s his fault.

The doorbell rings, but Iwaizumi doesn't move. It doesn't matter who it is. There's no one he wants to see, there's no one he wants to talk to. Closing his eyes, he sways a little. 

_ Just let this be a dream,  _ he wishes to himself. 

His mother's voice calling to him from downstairs pulls him back to reality. 

“Hajime, Tooru-chan’s mother is here, come say hello!” Iwaizumi squeezes his eyes shut tighter before opening them and moving to go downstairs. Pausing with his hand on the doorknob, he composed himself, and stepped out of his room

“Ah, Hajime-kun, I’m glad to see you!” Oikawa’s mother told him, bustling over to give him a hug. “You haven’t been over in a few days, so I was getting worried!”

“I appreciate your concern,” he told her, hugging her back. Her scent wafting over him was too similar to Oikawa’s, and Iwaizumi stepped away quickly. She gave him a sad smile before starting to talk cheerfully again.

“Since you hadn’t stopped by, I just wanted to tell you that Oikawa’s surgery will be tomorrow. The doctors said that as long as there aren’t any complications, he’ll be back in school by next week. Also, he should be able to start returning to volleyball a few months after that.” Oikawa’s mother watched him take in the information carefully. Forcing out a smile, Iwaizumi tried to make his voice sound positive.

“That’s great! Knowing him, he’ll recover quickly.” She continued to study him, then, seemingly satisfied, nodded.

“He’ll be in bed for a few days, so you should come visit. I know it’ll cheer him up to see you.” The lump in Iwaizumi’s throat made it impossible to speak, so he just smiled at her. Finally managing to get past it, he promised her he would go see Oikawa after the surgery. 

In his heart, he knew he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to visit.

 

Late that night, Iwaizumi received a text from Oikawa. It’s only two words, but he feels like he’s going to die anyway.

_ I’m scared. _

Iwaizumi knows what he wants to say, but he can’t bring himself to text the apology. Instead, he just closes his phone.

* * *

 

The rest of the week passes in a haze. His performance during practice gets worse, and even his classwork quality starts to take a dip. Everyone on the team except for Hanamaki and Matsukawa have stopped trying to hold a conversation with him. 

And even when they’re talking to him, all Iwaizumi can bring himself to do is nod along.

Hanamaki and Matsukawa go to visit Oikawa everyday, and always try to drag Iwaizumi in with them. The first day they walk by his house, Iwaizumi could see Oikawa’s shadow in the window, watching it all unfold. After that, he started taking a different path home, one that didn’t pass directly in front of Oikawa’s doorstep. 

Oikawa sends him a few nonchalant texts, trying to get a conversation going. But Iwaizumi can tell how forced it is, and never responds. 

That Sunday, the day before Oikawa is supposed to return to school, he shows up on Iwaizumi’s doorstep. His mom comes to his room and tells him Oikawa wants to see him.

He asks her to send him away.

At first she doesn’t look sure, but the look on his face must have convinced her. 

Afterwards, Oikawa blew up his phone, going from angry to distressed to pleading to hurt. As the phone continued to buzz, Iwaizumi covered his ears with a pillow. He knew he’d have to face Oikawa tomorrow, but until then, he just couldn’t. 

* * *

Within seconds of spotting Iwaizumi, Oikawa was confronting him.

“Why are you ignoring me, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked him, his voice made to sound light and teasing, but the underlying betrayal was obvious to Iwaizumi, who had been with him since they were kids. “I needed your help, but you were nowhere to be found!” He teased again, his voice slightly more strained than before, trying to get Iwaizumi to say something.

Iwaizumi stopped listening. Of course he should have been there. It was his job to make sure Oikawa took care of himself, but he’d failed yet again. It's only natural Oikawa would be even more hurt now.  

Oikawa was still talking to him, but all Iwaizumi could do was study Oikawa. The awkward way he leaned to the left to stay off his bad knee. The crutches he obviously hated that he tried to touch with as little of his body as possible. The brace hidden beneath pants that were barely big enough to fit over it, but Oikawa had probably made fit because he didn’t want to have to see it. His hunched shoulders that gave away the weight of the burden he was carrying. His dull hair and smile, and eyes that had stopped sparkling the moment the word “surgery” had left the doctor's mouth. 

“Hajime, are you even listening to me!?” Oikawa shouted at him. The use of his first name jolted Iwaizumi back into the conversation, and he locked eyes with Oikawa. He was surprised to see tears almost spilling from Oikawa’s eyes and his quivering lip that made it hard for him to speak. “Why weren’t you..why aren’t you...” he whispered, voice cracking. He stopped there, trying to keep himself from crying.

_ Why weren’t you there,  _ Iwaizumi finished the sentence for him in his head. Looking at a spot just above Oikawa’s head, Iwaizumi gritted his teeth.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said, turning to walk in the opposite direction.

Oikawa didn’t stop him, and the crowded hallways soon took him out of sight.

* * *

Oikawa still tries to talk to him throughout the day and during practice, but Iwaizumi does his best to avoid him. He can see Oikawa’s pain and the crushing weight of not being able to play. Everytime he looks at him, Iwaizumi knows Oikawa is feeling this because Iwaizumi couldn’t notice he was injuring himself. 

During practice, Iwaizumi finds himself looking at Oikawa, making sure he’s not doing anything that would further hurt his knee. Everytime he does though, he can see Oikawa’s fear. His fear as he sees everyone's improvement during his short absence. It throws Iwaizumi back to middle school and Kageyama, and the pain Oikawa went through then too.  

Even at that time, Iwaizumi hadn’t been able to really help Oikawa.

Weeks pass like this, with Iwaizumi further distancing himself from Oikawa because he can’t face him, not after after allowing all of this to happen. 

He even begins leaving early enough in the mornings to arrive at school before Oikawa. But the time between his arrival and Oikawa’s always seems to get shorter, and Iwaizumi finds himself jogging to school at a pace Oikawa can’t hope to match. Being able to walk beside him like they used to is an impossible dream, since Oikawa’s uneven gait would serve as a reminder to both of them of what he’d done.

Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and Oikawa continually try and rope him into conversations and outings, but the three of them together has always been ridiculously loud, and Iwaizumi has enough forewarning to escape. Slowly he minimizes his contact to a few minutes of stony silence a day.

But somewhere in all this Oikawa stops trying too. 

He stops coming to his classroom during breaks and lunch, and even stops excusing himself from his own class to walk by Iwaizumi’s and make faces at him. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa become the only subjects to Oikawa’s teasing. They take it in stride, but still hound Iwaizumi for driving a wedge between himself and Oikawa. Eventually, his scheduled doctors appointments and physical therapy sessions make him leave practice early, and Iwaizumi starts walking out of the gym alone. 

Despite their distance, Iwaizumi will sometimes catch a glimpse of Oikawa when he thinks no one’s looking at him, and will see how his eyes dull, and how his shoulders hunch over in pain.    

_ It’s my fault  _ will echo through his head before he turns away.

* * *

As the interhigh match against Shiratorizawa drew closer, Oikawa became more and more agitated. He starts trying to talk to Iwaizumi again, but Iwaizumi still can’t bring himself to talk to Oikawa. 

He’s afraid of what Oikawa will tell him.

He’s afraid of hearing Oikawa blame him.

“Iwaizumi, you have to stop ignoring Oikawa,” Matsukawa tells him one day in the hallway, “He’s panicking and falling apart. He needs your support.” Iwaizumi just turns away because he’s heard this all before, but he still doesn’t know how to face Oikawa because all of this is his fault. 

_ I should have noticed his condition,  _ replays over and over in his head like a broken record. Regret pushes aside every other feeling Iwaizumi has. Narrowing his eyes, Hanamaki steps in, aggressively grabbing Iwaizumi to make him look at him.

“Listen up Iwaizumi,” Hanamaki growled, “Oikawa thinks he’s lost both volleyball and you, and it’s killing him. Get your shit together and  _ help him _ .” Iwaizumi widened his eyes.  _ What was Hanamaki talking about? I’ve hurt Oikawa, I can’t help him. _

“I-I can't help him,” he stuttered out, shaking Hanamaki off him. Turning, he ran down the hallway, trying to get away from their words.

“You can’t blame yourself forever!” Hanamaki shouted after him.  

 

The day before their match against Shiratorizawa, with Oikawa still benched, Oikawa calls him 63 times. Each time he leaves a message. 

Iwazumi deletes them all without listening because he knows if he listens to them, he’ll only hate himself more. He hates himself anyway for deleting them.  

Oikawa sends him one more text, once again at 3am. 

_ Hajime, please. I need you right now. _

It almost works. Iwaizumi is almost out the door before he stops.

_ What right do I have...  _ His anguished thoughts raced around his head, confusing him even more.  _ Who am I to go to him, after everything I’ve done. _

He knew what he would find, if he did go to Oikawa’s house. It would be Oikawa curled up in his favorite alien blanket at the foot of his bed, trying to hide from the world. He’d be sniffing, but as soon as Iwaizumi wrapped him up in his arms, he’d start bawling. Muffled sobs would mix with all the complaints he had bottled up. Because even though Oikawa complains nonstop, he never really complains about anything important. 

But overshadowing this was the memory of two months ago, sitting in a hospital room, and Oikawa whispering “Don’t” when Iwaizumi reached out to hold him.

Iwaizumi collapsed onto the stairs and buried his face in his hands. His thoughts continued to jumble around his head, all his hurt mixing with Oikawa's, until he couldn’t bear to stand it. Pressing the heels of his hand into his eyes, he forced back the tears and sobs that were forming.   

Only one thought formed coherently in the mess.  _ I have to at least text him back.  _

Flipping open his phone, he typed out his message.

_ Tooru, I am so sorry, but I can’t. _

There was no response.

* * *

 

The match hadn’t even started, but Oikawa Tooru already looked defeated. Never before had he so openly shown his burden.

Sitting side by side on the bench, neither Iwaizumi nor Oikawa looked at each other. Oikawa wasn’t even watching the match, but instead glared down at his hands folded in his lap. Iwaizumi’s heart clenched every time he glanced over. 

If Oikawa’s fire was diminished after his injury, there was almost nothing left of it now. Sitting there, he was nothing more than an empty shell fueled by habit.  

Shiratorizawa won the first two sets easily. Oikawa and Iwaizumi didn’t sit next to each other on the bus back.

* * *

After the match, sitting alone in his dark room, Iwaizumi wished time would just stop so he could rest. Everything that had happened came crashing down on him in wake of this latest defeat. Every part of his body weighed heavily, his heart most of all. Laying his head on his desk, he closed his eyes. 

Light spilled onto the desk as his door creaked open.

“I’m sorry mom, but not right now,” he murmured. He couldn’t face anyone at the moment. 

“Iwaizumi,” said a voice, definitely not his mother's. Iwaizumi sat up and whipped around in his chair to face them, horrified. Standing in his doorway was Oikawa, glaring down at him. Iwaizumi was frozen, sitting at his desk, Oikawa standing only a few feet away. Quickly ducking his head, he didn’t dare look at Oikawa, even though he could feel Oikawa’s eyes drilling holes into him.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” His voice was hard, the opposite of his usual carefree tone. Iwaizumi couldn’t answer, so Oikawa continued to press him in the same cold voice.

“We are childhood friends, and you have always been there for me. What was different about this time?”

_ It was my fault,  _ he thought, balling his hands into fists. 

_ “ _ I have  _ tried _ to talk to you, but you always push me aside. Do you not need me if I can’t toss to you?!” 

_ I’m the reason you can’t toss to me anymore! _

As Iwaizumi continued to stare at the floor, silent, Oikawa’s face contorted. All his anger and hurt he’d bottled up began spilling over. Beginning to raise his voice, he drove on,

“Why weren’t you there? Why did you leave me to wade through this mess on my own? Why did you text me that you were SORRY and JUST COULDN’T HELP ME? HAJIME I NEEDED YOU, AND I DO RIGHT NOW TOO, BUT YOU’RE JUST SITTING THERE, STILL IGNORING ME!” At his last comment Iwaizumi stood up, ready to say something, but the words wouldn’t come, and instead he could only watch as Oikawa unraveled in front of his eyes. Oikawa continued to scream, letting out two months worth of his pent up frustrations.  

“ **WHY?! I DON’T UNDERSTAND, AND I JUST CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE. I NEED YOU, AND I NEED ANSWERS, HAJIME. PLEASE! TALK TO ME GODDAMMIT AND** **_HELP ME._ ** **QUIT LEAVING ME BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY LOST VOLLEYBALL AND IF I LOSE YOU TOO…”**

Oikawa finally stopped screaming at Iwaizumi, and, breathing hard, hid his face in his hands, trying to calm himself. 

“If I lose you too…” he repeated softly, sliding his hands down his face. Taking a breath, he finally looked at Iwaizumi again, but froze in confusion.

Iwaizumi was crying.

Standing in front of Oikawa, Iwaizumi’s body shook with sobs. 

“Wha-,” Oikawa started, but was interrupted.

“I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi told him. Standing there and sobbing, he repeated it over and over again,

“I’m sorry _. _ ”

Oikawa immediately reached out for Iwaizumi, wide eyed. He had to reach him, he had to touch him because it had been too long, and Oikawa knew that if he didn’t, Iwaizumi would disappear like sand through his fingers.     

Oikawa reaches out, but Iwaizumi pulls away. Running past him, he runs straight out the door, because he has no right to be comforted by Oikawa, not when he’s done all this to him.

Rushing out of the house, he doesn’t bother shutting the front door because he knows Oikawa will follow and he just has to get away.

In his desperation, Iwaizumi has no idea where to go. 

_ Anywhere but here,  _ his panicked brain yells. Turning on his heels, he sprints down a side street. Allowing his feet to carry him away from all the events haunting him, he pushed his already tired body to go faster. 

_ I haven’t been able to do a single thing right these last two months,  _ Iwaizumi concludes.  _ Not one single thing.  _

More tears began streaming down his face, but Iwaizumi didn't try to stop them anymore. He'd held them in for far too long already.

_ Oikawa will never forgive me for letting him get injured. He’ll never forgive me for leaving him alone. And he definitely won’t forgive me for running away right now.  _

Sprinting harder, Iwaizumi carried on, unsure of where his feet were taking him. Eventually they slowed down, and he came to a stop in front of a playground. The light from the sunset bathed everything in an orange glow, and his tears made it hard for him to recognize where he was.

Wiping his eyes, he took a closer look. More tears continued to run down his face as he inspected each piece of equipment, and suddenly it hit him, what this playground was. 

This was where he and Oikawa had played when they were little kids.

Stepping into the playground, memories flooded through Iwaizumi, replacing his panicked thoughts, but making his heart ache even more than before. He walked past the swingset Oikawa had used to try and launch himself into space with and the sandbox they had used to build castles in together.  

In the glow from the setting sun, shadows reached out towards Iwaizumi. 

_ What happened to us,  _ Iwaizumi wondered,  _ that I would wind up back here in these circumstances. _

Coming to a halt in front of a patch of grass, Iwaizumi’s tears flowed even more freely than before. This had been where they’d set up a net when they were first learning volleyball. 

It was still there, picketed exactly where they had left it. 

Sinking to his knees, Iwaizumi cried out. He cried out against every injustice that had happened to Oikawa, cried out against his own mistakes, and cried out against whatever god had decided this should happen to them. His voice began to crack, but still he cried, choking out wails between sobs

Something from behind crashed into his back and wrapped their arms tightly around him. Taken by surprise, Iwaizumi stopped crying out, and sat there sobbing. The person holding him’s labored breathing heated up a small patch of his back.

“Haji...me…” they eventually managed to gasp out.

Struggling out of Oikawa’s hug, Iwaizumi rolled away, shaking his head. Attempting to hide his tears, Iwaizumi buried his face into his knees and covered his head with his hands. Eventually he just gave up on trying to stop his tears. They just wouldn’t, no matter how much he willed them too. 

“How’d you know,” he choked out, scrubbing his face, “that I'd be here.” Oikawa gently grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his face. Iwaizumi tried to twist out of his grip, but Oikawa kept grabbing him and holding him in place. 

“Because you always used to come here and cry when we were little,” Oikawa berated him, still trying to calm his own breathing. Smiling at him through the tears now running down his face, Oikawa tried to pull Iwaizumi closer.

_ Why do you know me so well?!  _ Iwaizumi yelled at Oikawa in his head.

“I don’t deserve you,” he whispered instead, wrenching himself out of Oikawa’s grip. Oikawa only stared at him in confusion for a split second before he’s on Iwaizumi, trying to wipe away his fresh tears, ignoring his own.

“Please don’t. Don’t  _ ever  _ say that,” Oikawa is pleading with him, trying to reach Iwaizumi even as he’s being pushed away. Iwaizumi can only sit there, tears streaming down his face, and apologize.

“I’m so sorry, Tooru, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry…”

“Please stop apologizing,” Oikawa told him desperately, still trying to hold Iwaizumi, “You haven’t done anything, I don’t understand why you’re apologizing, please stop,” he begged him. Iwaizumi snapped at Oikawa’s words, and seized Oikawa’s hands in his own.

“It’s because I‘m the reason you got hurt! You can’t play because of me!” Dropping Oikawa’s hands and moving away again, Iwaizumi looked at his stunned face through his tears. 

_ What else am I supposed to do but apologize? _

“What?!” Oikawa sputtered, “Iwaizumi, my injury wasn’t your- why do you- is that why you’ve been like this?” he finished softly, reaching out to cup Iwaizumi’s face in his hands. Iwaizumi didn't try to stop him anymore, and just covered Oikawa's hands with his own. 

“I should have been there to prevent it but I wasn’t!” Iwaizumi whispered, “I didn’t know what to do or how to make it up to you! So I couldn’t face you, but even that hurt you!” Iwaizumi looked directly into Oikawa's eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever. “Tell me how I can make this, make  _ us,  _ OK again!” Oikawa was still desperately trying to stem the flow of Iwaizumi’s tears, brushing them away as they fell. 

“Hajime, there’s nothing  _ to  _ make up. I just need your support,” he murmured, pressing their foreheads together. Iwaizumi closed his eyes and breathed in Oikawa's scent. Even masked by the smell of sweat and tears, Oikawa’s natural, flowery aroma reached him. 

_ I can’t,  _ Iwazumi thought, anguished,  _ I can’t give you my support when you must blame me for your knee! _

“How can I do that when I’ve destroyed your dream?!” Iwaizumi sobbed, once again trying to get away from him, trying to get away from the reality that  _ he couldn't play volleyball with Oikawa anymore.  _

Clutching him closer, Oikawa refused to let him escape. Despite the tears and the sniffing, Oikawa kept his voice steady.

“I will always need your support, in defeat and in victory, so please,  _ please  _ Hajime. Don't ever turn away from me again.” Iwaizumi slowly allowed him to pull him into a hug, Oikawa’s knee held awkwardly to the side. Fisting his shirt, Iwaizumi pressed his head into Oikawa's shoulder. He knew Oikawa could feel his shirt getting wet, but he didn't make any complaints. 

In the fading sunlight, Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa’s tears dripping onto his neck. The breath was almost crushed out of him as Oikawa hugged him harder, almost afraid Iwaizumi would leave him again. 

“Don't ever turn away from me,” he repeated, voice quivering. Iwaizumi nodded, but Oikawa didn't loosen his hold. 

“I promise I wont, Shittikawa,” he choked out with a laugh. He didn't want to leave him again. At the familiar nickname, Oikawa crumbled, sobbing into Iwaizumi’s shoulder. 

The shadows had finally grown long enough to start covering them, and in their shade, the wet spots from Oikawa's tears on his shirt grew cold. 

Iwaizumi moved away slightly but stopped as Oikawa sucked in a breath and dug his fingernails into his back. 

“Let's go home,” he told him, slowly extracting himself from Oikawa's death grip, and standing up. 

“Anywhere is home with you, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teased him, still sniffling. Pulling Oikawa to his feet, he only rolled his puffy eyes in response. 

The walk home was a long and strenuous one, since Oikawa had tried running to keep up with Iwaizumi. Berating him, Oikawa retorted that he shouldn't have run away in the first place. Conceding the point, he final convinced Oikawa to let him carry him the rest of the way home. By the time they arrived, stars were beginning to show themselves in the night sky.    
  


The time in the park wouldn't be the last time they'd cry that day, and curled up together at the foot of Oikawa’s bed covered by an alien blanket, many more tears were shed. 

They talked through the night, about the two months of fear, hurt, pain, and confusion they had both gone through.

Oikawa told him all his fears about not being able to return, or the surgery not working, or falling so far behind everyone else would leave him in the dust. He chewed out Iwaizumi for leaving him alone, and confided that he'd been so scared that Iwaizumi just didn't need him now that he was injured. 

Iwaizumi returned that since he'd been unable to stop Oikawa from injuring himself, and since Oikawa asked him to leave at the hospital, he'd been blaming himself the whole time. He told Oikawa that it was his job to protect him, and being unable to do that killed him. He confessed that he couldn't even make himself play well without Oikawa because it felt so unnatural. 

Oikawa became furious that Iwaizumi blamed himself for his injury after about 2 am.  

“You mean to tell me,” he shrieked, “I had to deal with all this on my own because you thought it was your fault?!”

“I didn't think it,” Iwaizumi retorted, grumpy because now it seemed stupid to think that Oikawa would ever blame him for something like this. “But I knew it was my fault because it's my job to take care of you!” 

Oikawa’s exasperated sigh dragged on until Iwaizumi poked him in the side. 

The night passed quickly and they were both still talking when Oikawa's alarm started blaring, scaring them both. Looking from the clock back to each other, they both scrambled out from beneath the blanket to get ready. 

“Do you still have one of my uniforms here?” Iwaizumi called to Oikawa, who was in front of a mirror trying to get his hair to lay perfectly. 

“It's hanging up it the closet,” he told him, gesturing at it. “Good thing you always left one here for nights like this.” Iwaizumi just grunted, beginning to change. 

When they finally headed downstairs, the smell of eggs and bacon wafted over them. Breakfast was set out on the table, and Oikawa's mother was bustling about the kitchen. 

“Good morning boys,” she told them cheerfully. “Hajime-kun, I've set out a plate for you too, so eat up.” Smiling at him, Iwaizumi prayed that he wouldn’t start crying again. Even though he'd been ignoring both her and Oikawa for the past two months, she still thought of him as her second son. 

“Thank you,” he told her instead. 

Walking out of the house, Iwaizumi was surprised to see Matsukawa and Hanamaki standing by the gate. They seemed equally surprised to see him coming out of Oikawa's house. 

“Good morning Mattsun, Makki!” Oikawa called out cheerfully. Pulling Iwaizumi forward, he pointed wildly. “You'll never guess who came to me, crying last night!” 

Iwaizumi smacked the back of his head while they both laughed. 

Matsukawa called out to him, saying, “You've got puffy eyes too Oikawa!” Letting out an indignant yelp, Oikawa hobbled his way over to them, waving his crutch at Matsukawa. 

Oikawa didn't seem surprised to see the two of them, despite his house being well out of their way to school. It dawned on Iwaizumi that Hanamaki and Matsukawa had probably been walking him to school everyday since he had stopped doing it.  Joining them on the sidewalk, Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa took the lead enthusiastically, despite his lack of sleep. Matsukawa and Hanamaki hung back, waiting for him. 

“Glad to have you back,” Matsukawa told him, rubbing Iwaizumi’s head so that his bedhead looked even worse. 

Slapping his ass as he walked past, Hanamaki said, “All three of us missed you champ.”

Walking to catch up with Oikawa, the two high fived. Iwaizumi put his hands on his hips and let out a deep sigh. 

_ They're probably going to make me regret this, but they deserve it.  _

“Hanamaki, Matsukawa,” Iwaizumi called, waiting until they had both stopped and were looking at him. Bowing deeply, he told them,

“Thank you for taking care of Oikawa and me.”

There was a silent pause, then a bag dropped directly onto Iwaizumi’s head. Wheeling backwards, he glared at them. 

Matsukawa hopped out of reach, taking his bag with him, and grinned. 

“And let that be a lesson to you! Never do it again!” He grinned, hopping out of reach again as Iwaizumi took a swipe at him. Hanamaki was sticking his tongue out at him in the background. Mimicking Oikawa he scolded Iwaizumi,

“Idiot Iwa-chan, making us deal with Oikawa all on our own. How mean!” Their familiar teases both infuriated him and made him smile. 

“Bastards, get back here,” he yelled, running to catch up to them and Oikawa. 

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the suffer pit, enjoy your stay.  
> This fic was based of some headcannons I shared with @krschtein on tumblr, so I wrote it as a gift for them! I'm thinking there will be an epilogue... we'll just have to see though. But hopefully you enjoyed, and as always, constructive criticism is welcomed.


End file.
